A Vodka Tour Of Russia

Kremlin wall at Moscow - Credit: iStockPhoto.com

Kremlin wall in Moscow
VITAL INFORMATION
Population141,377,752
Languages spokenRussian
Currency1.00 RUB = 0.04 USD
Average temperatureSummer: 70F-75F; winter: 26F-32F
High seasonMay to August

Other than the Kremlin and the beautiful Anastasia, one of the finest things ever to come out of Russia has to be vodka. It’s proved to be something of an ice-breaker for millions meeting the in-laws, the tipple of choice on thousands of spring break binge-drinking bar crawls, and a soothing companion for the lonely, heartbroken and depressed. Yes, vodka -- in all its glorified shapes, forms and brands -- has always been there, either to get the party started or as a shoulder to cry on.

All prices are listed in U.S. funds.

Day 1: What’s your poison?

Check in at Moscow’s best hotel, the Ararat Hyatt Park, and start your trip with a $15 vodka refreshment in the Conservatory Bar on the 10th floor. Feeling refreshed, it’s time to pound the pavement on the first leg of your vodka tour.

Whoever said that
museums were boring clearly got it wrong, as the Vodka Museum in Moscow has proven to be something of a star attraction, with everyone from snap-happy Japanese tourists to American business execs walking curiously through its revolving glass doors. All visitors want to know a little more about the substance they knock back so frequently. Inside, you’ll learn all about vodka’s fascinating history, including when it was first manufactured, the role it played in history and its present importance in Russian culture. What’s more, you’ll be taught all about wine distillation -- the original name for vodka production -- and be able to see an original distillation unit in action. Then you’ll be given the opportunity to discover a bottle of Moscow Special vodka -- a national Russian drink that was patented by the government in 1894. Before you leave, make sure you visit the tasting room (also known as the tractir) where you can sample a wide selection of the deliciously decadent poison without the usual double-figured price tag of premium vodka. However tempting it is, avoid buying vodka souvenirs from the on-site shop unless you see something extra special. Most of the drinks you’ll find here are marked up, and you can purchase most of them for far cheaper from one of the local markets.

So do just that, and head out on a vodka-shopping spree across the capital. Starting at just $19 a bottle, the vodka you’ll find in Moscow is unsurpassed in quality and much cheaper than elsewhere in
Europe. Browse the markets first and identify a vodka that has little taste, slinks down your throat smoothly, and doesn’t leave your throat feeling like it has been rubbed down with sandpaper. Sellers will be more than happy to supply you with sample shots so that you know exactly what you’re buying. If you can’t find anything at the markets, buy yourself a bottle directly from export vodka manufacturer Stolichnaya. The company produces a wonderfully innovative array of flavored vodkas that aren’t available anywhere else, from elderflower to blueberry. When you get your bottle of vodka home, serve it chilled in a shot glass (otherwise called a riumka) and down it in one. If you’re doing quite a few shots, make like the Russians and chase them down with glasses of beer (nobody said a vodka tour of Russia was going to be a sober tour). With vodkas containing over 60% in alcoholic content, it helps to line your stomach with zakuski, a platter of rye bread, cheese and pickled cucumbers. It works for the Russians, anyway.

Spend your evening in Moscow at the Vodka Bar on ulitsa Lva Tolstogo. Take in the blue and white mosaic surroundings and the red-star chandeliers before you get pulled in to the $12 European dinner and -- more importantly, perhaps -- the 22 different kinds of vodka on offer from behind the centerpiece bar. Expect to pay around 90 to 120 rubles for a 45-gram shot. If you’re feeling extra brave, try khrenovkha, a spicy drink of horseradish-infused vodka -- guaranteed to get you dancing on the tables well into the wee hours.

Day 2: Factory boy

There’s nothing like a tour around one of Russia’s 180 vodka distilleries to whet your appetite for the devilish sauce, even if you are suffering from the mother of all hangovers. Take an early morning trip to the renowned Moscow Cristall Vodka Distillery before you leave the city, and learn about 17 of the country’s most famous vodka brands produced by the plant. Don’t be tempted to steal any off the conveyor belt!

Catch the high-speed Aurora train from Moscow to
St. Petersburg, which should take you about four and a half hours. Enjoy lunch on-board and -- if you can face it -- a vodka miniature for the hell of it. Once you’ve arrived in the City of the Tsars, stay at the Kempinski Hotel Moika 22, opposite the Hermitage Museum. While you’re in this central area, take in nearby Palace Square and the Cathedral of the Spilled Blood (unfortunately, not spilled vodka).

Having seen earlier how the pros do it, it’s time to put all that you’ve learned into action and make your very own vodka. Enroll at Russian Foodnik, a
cooking school that offers culinary classes to those on holiday in St Petersburg. As well as learning how to make traditional Russian food with Chef Sergey -- it’s more pleasing to the palate than you may think -- you’ll get to craft your very own vodka recipe, and distill it into a drinkable liquid. Just don’t do it at home -- it’s highly illegal.

Dine at the restaurant in St. Petersburg’s famous Grand Hotel Europe, where you’ll be able to indulge in a selection of
decadent dishes, such as beluga, sevruga and osetra caviars, and wash it all down with a deep-chilled bottle of Tsarskaya Gold Vodka. A boozy dinner that can be matched by the restaurant’s booze-laden bar, which features a selection of over 70 vodkas, including Russian vodkas -- Moskovskaya, Kremlyovskaya, Levsha, Jewel of Russia Vodka Ultra, Staraya Moskva, Altai, and Rodnik -- as well as international vodkas from the U.S., UK, Canada, Scandinavia, and Poland. If you’re still not sure what tipple to finish off your night with, order a White Russian cocktail -- also made with vodka. If nothing else, you’ll certainly need to bring your thirst with you.

Day 3: Join the club

Should you have any rubles left by this point, take a trip to renowned Dyatkovsky Crystal. The St. Petersburg-based glassware factory who make the most beautiful crystal shot glasses in the world -- all handmade in Russia -- and are the perfect vessels in which to hold all the world-class vodka you’ve bought. Buy a set of 12 for $42, and give yourself an excuse to drink as much vodka back home as you’ve been doing in Russia.

St. Basil's Cathedral in Moscow - Credit: iStockPhoto.com

Finish off the day with your second
vodka factory tour, this time to Liviz, makers of all things Smirnoff and Russia’s first ever distillery that has rectification columns. Its White Gold Vodka is particularly tasty, as is its high-value raw alcohol, Golden Moscow Vodka, and the crème de la crème, Ultra the Ultimate Vodka. Its recently introduced Liviz Leningradskaya, housed in 0.5-liter bottles on which there are images of press clippings from various periods in Leningrad history, isn’t half bad either. At just $4 a bottle, who could resist?

Finally, spend your last evening riding the train back to
Moscow. Once there, you’ll be able to hop aboard the Trans-Siberian Express, also known as The Vodka Train. Traveling 1,865 miles from Russia’s capital into the Caucasus mountains -- and taking an awesome three days -- you’ll need a couple of glasses (or bottles) of the drink you now know so well to ease the jolting and the noise of the carriages. However, there’s a sense of comaraderie aboard, and you’ll play cards and drink late into the night -- all from the comfort of your seat, with the magnificent Russian countryside trailing on the other side of the window beside you.

tips for the trip

  • Traveling in Russia has become much easier over the years, but visas are still required so make sure you have your accessible at all times as well as your passport.
  • Taxi fees are usually discussed with the driver before the journey begins, unlike our pay-per trips in the U.S. Try not to get into a cab already occupied by a customer and don't accept lifts from rogue "cabs" trying to make a few rubles.
  • While Russia is a developed country, they have had some issues with their water, so you're better off drinking bottled water and using it to brush your teeth as well. Beware of frozen foods and ice cubes as well.
  • Don't bring old, dirty U.S. bills. American money dating before 1990 will not be accepted. Head to the bank and get yourself some clean, crisp $1, $5 and $10 bills if you are planning on using American currency. And travelers cheques are rarely accepted, so don't bring them.
  • Since the fall of Communism in Russia, crime has increased. Instead of avoiding this beautiful country all together, just be cautious. Do not flaunt your valuables in public and keep all money in a money pouch as pickpocketing is common in crowded markets.

budem zdorovy

Although you may need to check into AA upon your return, your vodka-soaked trip has been well worth it. You’ve learned all about your favorite tipple, appreciated its history and have returned home armed with the best -- and cheapest -- vodka available to see you through those cold winter months. And who said Russia was nothing but weird spiraling architecture and dodgy-bearded Rasputin look-alikes?

Resources:
http://moscow.park.hyatt.com/hyatt/hotels/index.jsp
http://www.rus-tours.com/vodka.html
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http://www.sptimes.ru/index.php?action_id=2&story_id=12977
http://www.rusadventure.com/en/tour/50/description
http://www.cristall.com/
http://www.themoscowtimes.com/travel/arriving/bytrain.html
http://www.kempinski.com/en/hotel/details.htm?id=167
http://russianfoodnik.com/
http://www.grand-hotel-europe.com/web/stpetersburg/grand_hotel_europe.jsp
http://www.sevenstarsandstripes.com/magazine.asp?pagetoshow=content/magazine/GrandHotelEurope/2006/index&sl=52,71
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http://www.russian-gifts-home.com/glass/dyatkovo_crystal_plant_01.htm
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http://petersburgcity.com/news/business/2001/03/14/news72/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emeUXNVwUCM
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Moscow Travel Guide
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